capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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