I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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