"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My vagina just recognized that song.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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