you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
