Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
