i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
