Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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