I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
