I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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