it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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