I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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