I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do vagina's smell?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Still dying that you shit outside
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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