Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
