Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
