I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it's like iHOP with fire
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
