Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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