I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
