I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
