I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
