She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
