Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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