Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
