I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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