my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
