Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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