i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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