I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
