Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
