Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
