Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She bit a glass in half.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
