There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
