Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
