4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
