You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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