I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There r osticjed everywhere
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
