I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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