why didn't you poke me back
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
