I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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