She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
