pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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