I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dignity is for republicans.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
