i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
