I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
