Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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