Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
