whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
