i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
