that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
MIDGETS
????
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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