i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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