eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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