so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
