chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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