i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
