and she was petting her beer can
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How naked do you want me to be?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
