i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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