Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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