My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
