WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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